Camp gives comfort to grieving children

By SEAN O'SULLIVAN
Staff reporter
07/19/2004

In a corner of Lums Pond State Park, children were running and playing under the midday sun near a wispy sunset maple tree as it swayed under a gentle breeze. Some chased each other with Super Soakers, shrieking with glee, while others worked busily at crafts. Out on the placid pond, a pair of boaters paddled by.

The scene was idyllic.

The lives of these children are not.

Each one has a parent, close relative or friend who has died within the past year.

So they were invited to Camp New Hope, organized by Delaware Hospice. Many campers were closed tight when they first met with bereavement counselors - silent and angry. Only now, at this camp on the pond surrounded by other children who know similar pain, are they opening up. And that is exactly what the camp is all about, director Stephanie Baffone said.

"It helped. ... I don't cry anymore," said Lucaas Butler, 7, of New Castle. His mother, Erica, died in April of a heart attack. "I get good dreams now," he said, leaning happily on a tree as he talked. The bad dreams are being pushed out.

Evan Juers, 11, of Wilmington, was smiling and dripping wet from a squirt-gun fight.

"I've been able to make a lot of friends," he said. He liked the camp because kids did more than talk about their feelings. "It's really fun, too." Juers' mother, Kathleen Sheehan, died of cancer in September.

Lauren Micale, a volunteer, saw herself in the swarm of campers who ranged in age from 5 to 16.

"I was here in 1999," she said, after the death of her father. Her group helped plant its own sunset maple as a memory tree, which now stands tall and green. Every group of campers has done the same, since Camp New Hope began.

Micale, 18, said she was reluctant in 1999, worried about attending a camp that was all about death. But, she said, she had fun and, looking back, it was one of the most important things she did to cope with the loss of her father. Now she looks forward to returning every year to help other children deal with their feelings, so that they can start being children again.

Emily Schubert, 10, said her friends at home in New London, Pa., just didn't understand. She couldn't articulate exactly what her friends did not get, but she said her fellow campers knew. "I can talk about what I feel," she said. Schubert's mother, Laura, died of leukemia in April.

As the camp drew to a close Thursday, everyone gathered so campers could show their families what they had done.

The youngest group created a large mural of an idyllic pond with deep blue water.

Lucaas stood and pointed to a red duck with the word "Mom" written on it.

"That is my Mom," he said, and stood aside as other young campers stood to point out other cutout ducks representing lost mothers, fathers, grandparents and uncles, floating on the wide sea.

Evan's group made papier-mâché hearts. He painted his yellow with a smiley face, symbolizing his mother, "because she was always smiling."

Emily's group made pillows, most decorated with hearts, good for hugging when they thought about loved ones who had died.

At the end, the group left the pavilion and gathered around the newest memory tree, the wispy sunset maple.

One by one, each camper placed a colorful, hand-decorated ornament on the tree with the words, "This is in memory of ... " followed by the tolling of a bell.

Some of the sapling's young branches sagged under the weight of the colorful array of ornaments shaped like ducks, stars, fish, hearts and flowers.

Tears flowed during the tributes and more followed as campers embraced one other, volunteers and counselors to say goodbye. Campers attend the free camp only for one year, for a combination of financial, practical and therapeutic reasons.

Next year, a new group will take their place and a new sunset maple will be planted.

And those campers can look to the tree planted this week and the 12 that were planted in the years before it, to see that with time, they have grown strong and tall.